19.7.16

THOUGHTS: GROWING UP & A REALISATION

Whenever I get into deep thoughts about things, I always seem to resort to my phone and write them all down. It’s like my own personal diary. When I think things, I get scared that I’m going to forget them. It’s sort of like when you have a dream and the more you try to remember it, the more you forget it. Recently, I've had been thinking about two things in particular, the fear of growing up and a realisation of one of my internal flaws.

GROWING UP: Growing up scares me. The idea that one day I will have proper responsibilities such as paying for bills and a mortgage and then one day I'll have a little person/people who completely and utterly depend on me, for every favour of their being/s. I'm 18 and at the moment I don't even pay for my phone bill (thanks mum!) but when I see people who are only a few years older than me, with their own properties and jobs with luxurious cars and it’s so daunting and intimidating, and that one day I’ll have to actually grow up and take full responsibility for my well-being and have actual responsibilities,  that extend further than paying for car insurance. To be honest, I don’t even know where I was going with this or how to conclude it, but then again, I suppose that’s just some of my thoughts and I they don’t have actual resolutions.

A REALISATION: Just over a month ago, I had my final day at college with a whole leavers carnival and everything. We had our final assembly which involved a presentation of photos of different people around college and awards were handed out (I obviously didn't get one, but that's nothing new) but it made me realise something. I never properly live in the moment and put my all into something. I didn't even feel sad about leaving the place that I had been going to for two years or the people that I've met since being there. I literally had no attachment to the place, which to be honest was probably the bit that made me realise this. I didn’t even go to prom, which if this was back in secondary school, would most definitely not have happened. I even tweeted about short friendships that are so short that you have to question whether you were really friends. One of my flaws is that I'm always looking onto the next thing and by the time I've achieved it or gotten to the place, I'm just like "whatever" and constantly looking forward and never taking the time to truly acknowledge or appreciate where I am. A few days ago, I was in Malia with 7 of my girl friends and I made a conscious effort to really have fun and live in the moment.

 Have you had any particularly intriguing thoughts lately?

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